Debris

I will never forget the debris that flooded into the storm shelter the day of the tornado. I was a new first time mom that didn't let my 9 month old down on my floor unless I had recently swept and mopped and then it was on top of a clean blanket. This well protected baby was in his infant carrier covered in tiny pieces of grass, wood, rock and who knows what else. One piece of grass threatening his little baby eye. It may sound odd, but they potential viruses or infections he could have gotten from being in the middle if a completely devastated area was as terrifying to me as the brick and trees laying everywhere or our next door neighbor's car that I heard bend and whine and end up upside down in the field behind us 50 yards away. I was so fearful of the air he was breathing and contamination that was everywhere. For days I would come back to my sister's house covered in filth and was scared to pick up my baby and expose him to what may be on my clothes. The fear was an additional trauma to everything that was going on a that time. My fears were actualized when Luke not only got a virus soon after the tornado, but also had a Feberal Siezure. It was terrifying.

PTSD

It is very hard to deal with PTSD. When you have been through a trauma that reminds you, you could lose everything. It is really hard to want to work for things again. That is true for relationships too. When you realize relationships can be lost so easily, it is hard to want to work to build a friendship.

Talent

Although I was just making a flippant remark about someone who is famous having multiple talents, if you really want to analyze the situation, yes we all have talents.  Most of us have talents that will never be appreciated or viewed as talents at all.  Most of us live our lives for other people, sacrifice the time that it would take to hone a craft to live for our families and friends.  Much like George in It's a Wonderful Life, we are given choices throughout our life and end up choosing to take care of other people and important things rather than pursue our own dreams or live our lives selfishly for ourselves.  The lie that is present in the statement, "those who claim they have none either haven't found theirs yet or they haven't practiced it enough," is that someone just isn't working hard enough to get their happy ending.  It is a lie to believe that if we work hard, it will all work out for us.  Life just doesn't work that way.  Most people go to the grave with busted knuckles, broken backs and tired hearts from working really hard.  There was no big payout in the end.  There was no angelic guided realization that having a loving family and respect from your neighbors was enough.  Most people know in their hearts that they are working hard and making those tough choices and sacrifices to make their children's lives better, but in their heads want just a little more for themselves and no one else.  The shame in the lie is that it also assumes that if you aren't rich, famous, happy and have more than a mediocre life, that you just didn't work hard enough.  It's just not true. Those that don't have much in the way of money, comfort, fun, a job they enjoy, have probably chose responsibility over their ego and family over a pursuit of happiness.  That doesn't mean that they have failed.  It means that they honed their craft and talent of taking care of other people.  They will never get rewarded for it and they will probably never get a pile of money to save their business in the end either.  All that we can be rewarded with is another moment to live another day to enjoy the very smallest of joys that may exist.

Mommy Tip 1

Buy a bottle brush with a suction cup on the bottom.  When you have a hungry baby that won't let you put her down, you can suction it to the side of your sink and clean your bottles one handed in a hurry.  Having a one handed tool is always a bonus.

As Good as it Was

There were parts of As Good as It Gets that were more understandable and easier to relate to as a more adult person and mom there were still parts of the movie that were just not fun to watch.  Mainly the back and forth at the very end of the movie between them being together, not being together was annoying.  Even if that is how things work in real life, I really don't want to watch it in a movie.  I think we all want a more definitive, "yes, we love each other and we are willing to make a relationship, Hooray" storyline in a movie.  It makes us all a little more warm and fuzzy.

Better Than it Was?

I am re-watching "As Good As It Gets" to see if it is better and easier for me to understand now in a different place in my life.  I didn't really get it before.  We'll see now.

Digging Through Memories

Spent the evening last night going through all of the found photos from the tornado that have been scanned.  I didn't find any of ours, but I did find something.  I found camaraderie.  I realized that I have more in common with my neighbors and all of the people in my community than I thought.  I saw that we all take pictures of our big events like weddings and proms.  We all love our pets and take pictures of them either dressed up or doing something cute.  We all really, really love our kids and take pictures of them and have pictures taken of them often.  I saw so much that looked so familiar in faces, smiles and people trying to enjoy life and make memories out of all of the moments that make up all of our lives.